If wishes were kitties
by Alianora Serein
Summary: In a world where demon butlers are real, what's wrong with a talking cat that grants wishes? Maylene is in deep trouble when she gains feline features because of a careless wish. And what is the connection with the new beast terrorising London?
1. Prologue

**If wishes were…kitties**

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**Disclaimer: **Kuroshitsuji and all of the characters and surroundings described in this story belong to Toboso Yana. I just own the cat(s).

**Summary:** In a world where demon butlers, angels, and demon dogs are real, what's wrong if there's also a talking cat that grants wishes? Maylene is in deep supernatural trouble when she gains feline features because of a careless wish. Ah, well. Sebastian was getting bored anyways.

**Warning:** It might contain spoilers up to episode 21 for the anime and up to chapter 30 for the manga. Meaning: It contains the new kick-ass Maylene. Read at your own risk.

**Rating****: **mostly T (PG-13)

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PROLOGUE

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She was surrounded. They had managed to corner her like she was nothing more than a new born fawn. If her old teacher could see her right now she would die of shame. For five whole years she had been a successful assasin-for-hire who had never been caught and now she had been trapped after a two minute chase.

'I'm so sorry, Madam Susan,' the poor maid silently wailed.

Pluto was on her left, growling threateningly, with the large piece of blue fabric he had torn from her uniform's skirt still stuck between his powerful jaws. His narrowed eyes watched her every tiny movement, daring her to try and escape him. Though he was in his human form, Maylene knew better than do anything rash.

She threw a sideways glance towards her right, where Sebastian stood guarding the only alternative escape route. He looked extremely pleased with himself as he regarded her through half-lidded eyes, a self-satisfied smile adorning his lips.

Her newly freed tail swished nervously back and forth.

"Maylene."

The girl whimpered. Why couldn't the ground open and swallow her whole?

"Yes, Mr. Sebastian," Maylene stuttered. Her fingers nervously clutched her white apron.

"Kindly remove your glasses…"

A gasp escaped her lips before she could stop it. He knew! He must have known all along. She felt so mortified. And to think she prided herself in being stealthy and good at keeping her secrets. But, that was like saying that the sun didn't shine, or that birds didn't fly. The day the Phantomhive Butler stopped knowing everything that happened in the mansion would be the day the world ended.

"And your cap."

Maylene started removing her cap with unsteady hands. She let it fall to the ground and slowly removed her glasses as well. She took a deep breath and turned to face Sebastian.

Now, everyone would know what a monster she had become.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Sebastian!" the poor maid sobbed as fat tears started running from her feline green eyes.

The demon butler's eyes widened in delight as did his smile, as he saw how her small furry ears were flattened against her head.

"Oh, my! That is what you have been hiding."

Maylene's feline eyes grew incredibly large as Sebastian came closer.

Then, the silver haired dog froze at the sight before his eyes. He spat the fabric from his mouth and let out an angered bark. But, before he had the chance to do anything more, a glare from Sebastian, complete with glowing red eyes, had him turn into a giant dog again. He sat back on his haunches with his tail tucked between his legs, whining pitifully.

And as the sun set behind the magnificent Phantomhive Manor, the mourning howling of a demon dog could be heard for miles and miles.

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**A/N:** What do you think? Should I continue?

**Next chapter:** Where Maylene saves a cat and learns why you should be careful of what you wish for. In the meanwhile, Count Ciel Phantomhive and his faithful butler Sebastian have to deal with a new case from the queen. Which also involves a cat.


	2. 1 Breakfasts, Beasts and Bouquets

**If wishes were…kitties**

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**Disclaimer: **Kuroshitsuji and all of the characters and surroundings described in this story belong to Toboso Yana. I just own the cat(s).

**Summary:** In a world where demon butlers, angels, and demon dogs are real, what's wrong if there's also a talking cat that grants wishes? Maylene is in deep supernatural trouble when she gains feline features because of a careless wish. Ah, well. Sebastian was getting bored anyways.

**Warning:** It might contain spoilers up to episode 21 for the anime and up to chapter 30 for the manga. Meaning: It contains the new kick-ass Maylene. Read at your own risk.

**Rating: **mostly T (PG-13)

**Chapter 1 **

_A week earlier_

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"Here is your tea, Young Master. A cup of sparkling Darjeeling tea of the finest quality with the most wonderful aroma. A fresh batch of cinnamon rolls has also been prepared. Their spicy sweetness perfectly accentuates the tea's complex layers of flowery tones..."

The young Earl Ciel Phantomhive didn't appear to be listening as he munched half-heartedly on a piece of toast. The last thing he wanted after the miserable night he had spent, the third one this week, was the sound of his butler waxing poetically about a cup of tea. Usually, he'd listen carefully and take secret delight in the meticulous preparation of his every meal by Sebastian, as the dark-haired butler was always challeging himself to find more complex and original dishes and desserts. But the young aristocrat had barely slept a wink this past few nights and Sebastian's every word was making his skull pound even more.

"Young Master, is something the matter? You don't appear to be listening," Sebastian said with concern. His young lord seemed in a fouler mood than usual. Ciel scowled in annoyance and closed his eyes.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. As fine as one could be with howling winds and torrential rain keeping him up all night. It had been years since the last time the area had seen such horrible weather. Ciel felt particularly thankful that the Queen hadn't sent for him so far. The idea of traipsing around a cold, muddy London wasn't particularly appealing. All he wanted was finish his tea and go take a nap in the library.

Sebastian was not convinced. Ciel was paler than usual and there were tell-tale dark rings under his half-closed eyes. He obviously was less than fine. He looked as if he would fall asleep any second now. Feeling rather generous for once, Sebastian decided not to torment him as he was always prone to do. Not more than usual, anyway. For, as he had discovered upon checking the morning post, there would be no rest for his Young Master today.

"Today's mail and the morning paper have arrived. Would you like to peruse them now or should I leave them in the library where you will be able to examine them _more thoroughly_?" Sebastian asked knowing his Young Master's bad habit of throwing two thirds of his mail away without even opening them. This was not the proper behavior for an aristocrat. Sebastian added a note on his mental list to have Sir Ralf Wulberf give his master some supplementary lessons in proper correspondence etiquette next week.

"Leave them on the table," Ciel snapped. Sebastian did as instructed and took a step back to his usual position behind his Master's chair. Ciel threw an angry look at his annoying smiling butler as he took another sip of his still warm tea. What was he up to now?  
He could never be too sure of what he was hiding behind that cryptic smile. Lazily, he started going the letters. The first two were from Elizabeth and his uncle Vincent. He put them aside to read later. Three business letters were put aside as well. Twenty five invitations to formal dinners, six ball invitations, and three invitations to private concerts were thrown away without a second thought. He chose to ignore his butler who had just sighed and was sadly shaking his head at his master's unsociable nature.

"Won't you accept even one ball invitation, Young Master?"

"Not even one, and that is final." Really, nobility had nothing better to do than waste so much paper for invitations to dull and meaningless soirees? He took a sinister delight into tearing the last invitation in halves under Sebastian's disapproving gaze. But even this small glimmer of satisfaction was instantly snuffed out.

On the bottom of the small pile he found the letter he had hoped not to get. There was no mistaking the dreaded envelope sealed with the all too familiar crest of the Royal Family.

"Can't they do anything by themselves?" He muttered sullenly as he opened the letter and skimmed through its contents. 'Not another one'. The last five days, according to the letter, a monster had allegedly been terrorizing London. At first, the rumors were not taken into any consideration as the only eye witnesses had been some drunken fellows who claimed to see a big animal with red glowing eyes hidden in the shadows of an alley. But, the reported sightings had multiplied in number in the last two days. The Queen's order was the same as always. Investigate and find the truth behind the matter. Don't let anything hurt the reputation of the Crown of caring for the people.

"There's been talk of 'monster sightings' in London. Have you heard anything about it, Sebastian?" The Earl asked tiredly as he put down the letter. He grabbed a linen napkin and wiped his fingers. Quite an unnecessary thing to do as the moment he grabbed one of the still warm cinnamon rolls his hands got stickier than before. He was not certain he believed all of these rumors. Pluto, the giant hellhound, had been an unpleasant surprise they had to deal with two months ago. How could a second similar incident occur so soon?

"I believe something of this nature was mentioned in yesterday's paper," the butler remarked after a moment's pause. "A company of drunken workers saw a big animal prowling in a dark alley. You should check the morning paper if you want more information", Sebastian added with false nonchalance. Three seconds ticked by before…

"What!" Ciel shouted in alarm. He let the half-eaten roll fall into his plate and hastily unfolded the London Times.

Every inch of his attention was instantly claimed by the headline on the first page. 'MONSTER SIGHTING IN LONDON?' He flipped impatiently to page six and read through the article, highlighting the most important passages in a matter of minutes. 'Last night's torrential rain caused great problems in the city streets', 'For the Church of St. Mark, near Regent's Park, the last three nights and days have been even worse as a monstrous creature appeared at the evening near the end of Vespers' 'Black as coal, big as a hound, with glowing red eyes and jagged teeth, and ears like those of a bat', 'appeared from a dark corner at the far end of the pews' 'thick darkness fell, all lights went out. The only light came from the creature. It was a dark, unholy black fire and it surrounded its whole body' 'It burned anyone who touched it', 'It stopped right in front of me and sniffed me. I saw the fires of hell in its eyes', 'It screeched and then disappeared in a black cloud heading to the door', 'the church is temporarily closed to the public', 'exorcism needs to be done', according to a parson. 'Is the public safe when such things appear in our churches?' 'First tha' bloody Jack the Rippe' and now an 'ellish beast?' An angry parishioner remarked. 'Who'll protect us?' The author finished the article by emphasizing there has been other sightings of the same kind and more on the subject would follow as they investigated the story.

"This is worse than I thought." Sebastian heard his Young Master say. "Take everything away, Sebastian and prepare the carriage. We leave at once." Now that the press was involved things could get out of hand very quickly. And after Jack the Ripper –his heart gave a painful lurch as he remembered the terrible outcome of that case- the press could truly damage the reputation of the Crown.

The dark butler smiled and started gathering the china as his master sighed in defeat. 'There is no rest for the wicked, after all'.

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Ciel stretched his neck, first on the right, then on the left. What was Sebastian doing? He had already wasted ten minutes waiting for his errant butler in the front terrace of the Manor. Ten minutes he could have spent napping in the comfortable velvet seat of the carriage. He stifled a yawn behind a slim hand. Tired though he was, his mind kept playing the words of the article over and over again. _Will it be another hellhound like that infernal dog that loves ruining my gardens? _He groaned at the thought. This was the last thing he needed. He opened the heavy front door and slipped back in. He snorted at the irony of the master going to fetch his servant. He found his loyal demon doing a favorite past time of his, scolding one of the servants.

"Maylene, how many times have I told you not to run in the hallways?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sebastian. I didn't see you coming the other way. I'm sorry, Young Master," she added tremulously as soon as she spotted the Earl. She stuttered throughout her apology, her whole face redder than a ripe tomato. "Mr. Tanaka isn't feeling very well and I thought to give him a small bouquet of wildflowers I gathered for him to cheer him up."

The Earl and his butler just stared blankly at her like she had just announced she was thinking of joining a traveling circus where she would throw knives to living moving targets, preferably turkeys.

Her neck started sweating as their silence wrapped around her like a heavy cloak, making her unable to move. The small movements of the stowaway she had hidden in her apron's pocket told her they might well be discovered if she didn't move soon.

Ciel shook his head in defeat. He could never understand his servants. How did he always manage to attract the craziest people? "Let's go, Sebastian."

"Yes, Young Master." He threw a last disapproving look to Maylene and followed his lord.

"That girl."

"Why haven't you replaced her broken glasses, Sebastian? Have you been neglecting your duties?"

"I would never dream of doing something that insulting to my pride as Batler of the Phantomhive_,_" the dark haired demon answered with his usual nonchalance at his master's mock accusations.

The young Earl's brow twitched in annoyance.

"The problem is," Sebastian continued, "she refuses to have them replaced because they were the first thing you ever gave her. She obviously treasures them Perhaps if you personally gave her a new pair."

Another long-suffering sigh escaped Ciel's lips. "I will see what I can do about it when we reach London."

"I am sure Maylene will be very pleased." _And I hope the china will be safe at last_, Sebastian thought with a secretive smile. "Might I make a suggestion about her new glasses' shape? I think rectangular frames would suit her much better…"

"That would draw too much attention to herself. A servant is supposed to remain invisible, and it is far safer for those idiots to stay so, especially with the 'guests' we tend to have."

"I feel most regretful of my mistake. I simply forgot how jealous Lady Elizabeth can be."

"Sebastian…"

"Young Master?"

"Shut up, Sebastian."

"Yes, my Lord."

The maid sighed in immense relief the moment the door closed behind the Earl and his butler. She had almost been discovered. She looked towards the lump formed in the front of her apron, which she had carefully hidden with the wildflowers. She cringed at the preposterous excuse Finny and Bard had come up with. Wildflowers for Mr. Tanaka to make him feel better. To make the jolliest old man she had ever known feel better.

"No wonder they thought I was out of my mind," she whispered as she shifted the fabric of the apron to look at her little stowaway. "It's all your fault, you know." Round blue eyes blinked back at her. "Why do I feel we are going to get into even deeper trouble with Mr. Sebastian?" A weak mewl was the only answer she received. "Probably because we will."

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**A/N: **Arggghh,Ciel and Sebastian are a pain to write. They won't cooperate at all. You are writing a line and you hear a Ciel or Sebastian-like voice telling you: "I would never say something like that." So, blame them for the lateness of this chapter (kidding). Thanks to all of you for your kind reviews.


	3. 2 Baby? What baby?

**If wishes were…kitties**

**Disclaimer: **Kuroshitsuji and all of its characters in this story belong to Toboso Yana. I just own the cat(s).

**Summary:** In a world where demon butlers, angels, and demon dogs are real, what's wrong if there's also a talking cat that grants wishes? Maylene is in deep supernatural trouble when she gains feline features because of a careless wish. And once again, Ciel and Sebstian are called to action, as there seems to be another demon on the loose, terrorising London.

**Warning:** It might contain spoilers from the anime and up to chapter 37 for the manga. Meaning: It contains the new kick-ass Maylene. Read at your own risk.

**Rating: **mostly T (PG-13)

**Chapter 2**

The heavy rainstorms had done more than simply deprive a certain young aristocrat from his much needed sleep. As the esteemed Earl Phantomhive was taking a nap in his carriage, on the way to London, two members of the household were "working" in the eastern gardens.

"Calm down Puru Puru!" cried Finian, the gardener of the Phantomhive Estate, trying to hold onto the giant dog's lease. He was the prime caretaker of Pluto, as no one else, apart from Sebastian, had the strength to manage the grey hellhound. They were supposed to be having their morning run, but the giant dog didn't want to behave.

"What's the matter with that dog today?" Bard, the pyromaniac cook, asked from his perch on a low bench nearby. He lit up a cigarette and took a slow drag. "Is he sick?"

"He seemed fine yesterday. We run all over the gardens and we played a lot. I guess he might be disappointed he didn't get to burn anything." Finny scratched his blonde head. Bard could almost see the question-marks dancing above his head as the boy's thin eyebrows scrunched in deep thought. "I could hear him howling all through the night. I'd have gone to check on him in the stables, if it didn't rain so hard. But, I couldn't even see my nose in all that darkness and no light would stay lit with all that wind."

Bard frowned as he slowly exhaled smoke. Finny would be in big trouble with Sebastian if he couldn't control the dog and more trees were destroyed.

"Bard, what do you think of Maylene?"

"Huh?" was Bard's intelligent answer.

"Hasn't she been a bit strange lately?" The self-styled chef let out a barking laugh at the absurdity of Finny's words. "I mean, I met her earlier. She was holding the laundry basket and she was in a kind of a hurry and a bit skittish. She asked me all these funny questions. If Mr. Sebastian and the Young Master were still in the Manor and how can someone hide a bulge in the front of their uniform. I told her she could hold a bundle of clothes, or a basket, or a bunch of flowers. She thanked me and run outside again."

"Lad, she is strange. We all are strange. It's like a fucking prerequisite of being a servant in this bloody house."

The 16-year-old gardener wasn't comforted by Bard's awkward reassuring words, as he effortlessly kept Pluto, who was still straining against his chain, from breaking loose. Something was troubling the only maid of the Phantomhive Manor. And she hesitated to tell **them**, her comrades. He felt hurt, deeply hurt. Didn't she trust them?

Bard raised an eyebrow at the boy's wilted expression. He was surrounded by bloody drama queens. Why couldn't everyone take things as they came along as he and Tanaka did? With growing boredom he watched Finny who was still deep in thought. Perhaps it was time to return to the kitchen? He was gone for an hour. It would be a good idea to check on the mutton he had left in the oven.

"A BULGE! WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO HIDE A BULGE? IN HER UNIFORM?" Bard almost chocked with his own spit at Finny's sudden yell. His face turned beetroot red as he tried to quell the hacking cough that followed.

"I don't know," he said as soon as he regained his breath. "And stop screaming like that. You almost killed me."

"I'm sorry," Finny whimpered sheepishly. "But, Maylene…can she be expecting?"

"Expecting what? Did she order something naughty and wants to hide it from Sebastian?" Bard's lips curled into a lascivious smirk at this thought.

"No, I mean, expecting a baby! And she is afraid that her belly is going to show and that is why she is trying to find ways to hide it because if the Young Master and Sebastian find out they will throw her out in the streets and then she will be alone and how will she be able to raise her child like this? We've got to do something to help her, Bard!" he wailed. Pluto let out a long mournful howl and joined in Finny's anguished cries.

Bard closed his eyes and leaned back onto the bench, stretching his long legs and folding his arms behind his head. Was the young lass really pregnant? And who was the father? She wasn't one to socialize that much and on their days off they always accompanied her in the nearest town. No matter how well-trained with guns, she was still a young girl in need of their protection. He could feel a headache coming on. And those bloody howling twits just wouldn't stop.

"Finny, quit it, and make that dog shut the bloody hell up, will you?" That's why he didn't like dogs. Too much trouble and they were stupid anyway.

As if the dog had sensed Bard's disdain, he yanked his chain stronger than before, causing it to break and Finny to be catapulted towards Bard. The cook, hearing Finny's scream, opened his eyes in alarm, just in time to have the air knocked out of him, as his body broke the boy's fall. The two males fell off the bench and into the bushes behind.

The cook grumbled about empty-headed youths and their careless ways as he spat out a mouthful of leaves. He searched right and left for his lost cigarette. Those things were his biggest vice, after his flamethrower. One of the best brands, which unfortunately meant they cost a pretty penny. He wasn't going to abandon a perfectly good cig just because it fell down. During his time in the army, he had put worse things in his mouth, which were supposed to be called food. Finny almost knocked him down again as he shot up and scrambled out of the bushes before Pluto had the chance to get away. Bard opened his mouth to curse the young gardener. The hellhound's sudden turning into his human form stopped him in his tracks.

"Ack, he turned into a human. I hate it when he does that." He shuddered at the sight he was already familiar with but none too pleased about. All those male bits dangling around… it was just so wrong.

"No, no, don't run away, Puru Puru." Finny's shout pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Finny, your hat." The young blond gardener was already too far away to hear what Bard was shouting. "Idiot, if he loses his hat he will be scolded again." With that, he dashed after the running pair.

Pluto was free, at last. Free to find the source of that disturbing, uncanny smell that had been torturing him all night long. A smell that awakened a deep instinctive fear in Pluto's mind. He was slower in his human form, but he couldn't control himself, not while 'that thing' was in his territory. He had to destroy it as soon as possible. If he did, Master would be very pleased.

In less than five minutes Bard was out of breath. The idiot duo had led him on a merry chase all around the gardens. He didn't lose them, though. He just had to follow the signs of destruction. The destroyed foliage and rosebushes. The cracked marble statues. He cursed most colorfully as the path of destruction led him into the manor. Not even ten o'clock in the morning and they were already shit-deep in trouble. A broken in half ugly bust -good riddance to that, the old hag always gave him chills down his spine- two, make that three, shattered porcelain vases, the ruined carpet covering the staircase leading to the upper floor. The splintered stairs leading to the servants' quarters. He rushed in Maylene's room through the crushed door, just in time to watch the unfolding drama.

"MAYLENE! WATCH OUT!" Finny cried desperately as the now human Pluto escaped his restraining hold and attacked the young maid.

Everything happened fast. In the blink of an eye, Maylene stumbled and fell behind, Pluto's sharp claws missing her by an inch. He only managed to dislodge her glasses. The maid's eyes immediately hardened and burned like twin fires. She flew to the side in a sideways somersault and landed deftly on her feet with a small white fluff-ball still clutched securely on her chest. With lightning speed she pulled her specially-made Webley revolver from her thigh holster and trained it to the advancing demon.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Pluto". Pluto whimpered as he looked cross-eyed at the barrel of the gun aimed on his forehead. He whined and crouched on his legs, as the white fluff-ball hissed menacingly.

Bard let out a relieved whoosh and leaned against the doorframe.

"Bad Puru-Puru, bad dog," Finny scolded the cowering dog. "What did that poor kitten do to you? I'm so sorry, Maylene. You are not hurt, are you? Is the baby ok?"

"It's okay, Finny. Don't worry…" Maylene reholstered her revolver and lightly petted the little one's snow white fur to calm it down. "This furry baby is just fine, aren't you little one?" She cooed at the small kitten as it rubbed its small head against her palm.

"Not the baby he had in mind." Bard crossed his arms and laughed at the blushing Finny, who was utterly embarrassed and avoided looking at a puzzled Maylene. "We don't know who the father is but I don't think there will be a problem. Right, Finny?"

And with that he howled in laughter. "Sebastian will skin us alive when he returns…And all that because of a cat." Nothing ever escaped Sebastian. Perhaps he had made a deal with the devil. Like that Foul guy, or Farusu something or other. And Finny had thought Maylene was pregnant. Just because she wanted to smuggle a kitten in the manor.

Bard laughed and laughed until he could breathe no more and tears of mirth run from his eyes.

And thus, day one of the cat trouble began.

**A/N:**And the last players enter the field. Yes, I'm alive and I'm sorry for being so very very very late, but school, job and real life must and will come first. To all those people who reviewed and put me into their lists and alerts, a very big thank you. I hope you liked the latest chapter. Do you think I should change the rating to M, because of Bard's potty mouth? Let me know. And now, for something completely different…(and a cookie to the one who caught my allusion right now).

_Omake:_

"_Mail! Mail for Mr. Tanaka. Good morning, sir. Here's your package. Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!" _

_Tanaka waved goodbye at the departing delivery cart. He hopped lightly all the way up the stairs to his quarters. He brewed a fresh pot of green tea and sat to have his 11-o-clock cup of tea next to the open window. A small bouquet of wildflowers rested in a small crystal vase in the middle of the set table._

_He carefully opened the bound parcel. __As the brown paper fell away a thin glossy volume appeared with big bold white letters proclaiming it to be "GIRLS WITH FRILLY SKIRTS –WINTER EDITION " from Ye Olde Victorian Books Press. _

"_HOH! HOH! HOH!"_


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